grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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