There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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