i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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