I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
