actually, I'm a sock model
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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