Fine. I'll sleep in my office
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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