if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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