at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
