i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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