He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
