did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
