I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
