I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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