barbara walters just said penis...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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