I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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