You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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