eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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