I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
