She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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