Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
