There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
