I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
