she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
