3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
