I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
