May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
