last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
