Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
