Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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