You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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