she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
