Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
