I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize