I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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