i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
