Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
