I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
