My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
