allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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