4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
