Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
