we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
