I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
