just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
