Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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