I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
