Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
