Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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