Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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