Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I faked an abortion last night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
