That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
