why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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