I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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