I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
