He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers