she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots