I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage