Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY