At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize