Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
