They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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