Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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