he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
