i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
