I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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