I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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