Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
