There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
