apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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