I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we're making bets on your personal life
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
