Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
