it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boobs speak an international language.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
