found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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