i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you win again, gameday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
