I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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