I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize