return my video game
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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